Occasionally, I'll have a nightmare that my ex is still alive. I wake from this nightmare with my heart pounding out of my chest. There's no way I can believe it was just a dream for several minutes. After I've calmed down, I have a hard time getting back to sleep. Because I am still close to my ex's family, I don't want to go into a lot of detail. His family is wonderful and we are all still friends. But my ex was somewhat of a shaman. He could be jovial, caring and kind. But within the blink of an eye, he could also be threatening, obsessive and controlling. Once, he was so mad at me for something (I don't remember what) he pulled the bedroom door off the hinges. He was a large man and I was no match to his brawn. It is a miracle that I ever got away.
While my experiences with my first husband were horrible, they were nothing compared to the woman who appeared on the Today Show yesterday. If you have a few minutes, listen to her story. Some see it as depressing; I see it as uplifting - she is a survivor.
There is a song by Moby (Porcelain) that starts out, "In my dreams I'm dying all the time." I still cannot shake that line or help but be reminded that it is still very real in my subconscious. These dreams usually have me going about my merry business when all of the sudden, I walk by and from the corner he pops out and has a smile that says "Gotcha!" I think I just die right there on the spot from surprise, and then wake up. It is horrible and it is recurring. I wish there was some way to stop these nightmares.
About Me
- bethbbk
- Where Gravy Is a Side Dish, United States
- Ever hear that everyone can do something well, especially with practice? Well.. my kids will tell you, my singing brings hands to ears and the neighbor's dogs wailing. In fact, I'm not good at a lot of things. I'm always looking for ways to make my life easier, cleaner, more organized and fun.
3 comments:
Gosh, I'd hate that dream! I've heard of lots of different things for clearing out bad thoughts and energies. You could write it all down and burn it, You could pray it all out and ask God to just take it, you could do a home cleansing (I've not done this but I read in a book that it works), you could put in a new security system, but you you need to feel secure and feel it's resolved. You are a super smart woman and I know you'll get it figured out. I'll add it to my prayers. Love ya and mean it..
Just to be clear, my first marriage ended in the late 90s, so it has been a long time. I did go to a psychologist and tried to work some of it out. The nightmares still haunt me though. And I live in a different city than before. I don't even go by the old house.
Thanks, Cathy. I'll think of taking your advice. XO
God doesn't want you to keep living in the past... But the enemy does. he will take you there to re-live your worst fears and bring up that anxiety. Tell him to f-off. :)
love you!!
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