Time Has Passed...

Thanks - I know I've taken a break from writing on here. And I needed the time.

My middle son, whom I love very much, is now in the legal custody of another family member. I hate that we had so many problems between us. I know that being a teenager is probably harder now than when I was his age. Just as much, I hate the feeling of guilt associated with transferring my son to someone else's care.

I wanted him to go to a boys home-type place. That meant sending him to child services first. My extended family made a huge uproar. My only other option was to let a close relative take him. At almost 17, I hope that in a year or two, things will change for the better. We'll have some time away and maybe appreciate the time we do get to spend together. At least, that's my hope.

The fact is that I love him enough to let him start somewhere fresh. I want him to be happy, to succeed, to feel loved. There was a lot of bickering here, running away and disregard for rules. In every fiber of my being I love him.

Unfortunately, there are people (including relatives who do not live in this house), who continue to bad-mouth me. In some cases, they have stopped talking to me altogether. Yes, it is painful. There are times when I needed my parent to say, "I'm here - let me know how I can help." That parent hasn't spoken to me since before Easter. And we live in the same small community.

Even parents of other teens have a different look when I run into them at WalMart. I assume they believe I kicked my son out (what he told other people) when he really ran away. Several times I've looked at my husband and suggested we just pack it all up and move to another town. He sympathetically just gives me a look that lets me know I'm not going to outrun problems.

Wednesdays are the hardest for me. It's the day I used to spend the afternoon with my middle son. Sometimes we'd go out to eat or do errands together. To help keep my mind on other things, I started taking a self-defense class. I've got loads of stuff to do around the house, but find that I have little motivation. I'm a great list maker, but a sucky follow-through.

The rest of the house keeps ticking. My youngest celebrated his 6th birthday this month. My oldest is working hard at his summer job after making As and Bs in college this past semester. I know the house will seem even more off-kilter once he goes back to college. I'm hoping by that time I will have started my master's program and knee-deep in books.

I'll write again soon.

Yours,
Beth